Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Strangler

Alyssa is a hugger.

Wait, let me qualify that. She loves to hug her immediate family. Strangers are quite safe from her version of a hug. The problem with her hugs is that she just, well, tends to go overboard. Her hugs often feel like they’re about to cross the line between a hug and a strangle.

She will wrap her arms around her victim’s love’s neck and then dangle from there for at least three minutes.

This doesn’t not foster a desire to be rehugged anytime soon.

I’ve tried to explain proper hugging etiquette to the girl. I’ve even demonstrated it. I will pulled her into an embrace, careful not to grasp too tightly. I then tell her, “Squeeze and release. Squeeze and release. Do not hang from a person’s neck, do not hold so tightly that you can feel their bones digging into your spleen. Squeeze and release.”

The thing is, Alyssa loves to elicit squeals of despair from Olivia. She enjoys hugging Tom to the point that he’s tugging her arms away from him and pushing her away.

She doesn’t understand why we all cringe when she comes near us with her arms open. These near-strangles are a form of affection for her.

I keep reminding Tom that he has to endure these hugs from Alyssa because girls need appropriate male affection from their fathers. If they don’t get it when they’re young (and continue to get it even as they get older) they may very well go out and find inappropriate male affection later in life. We do not want that for our girls.

So for now, the ‘hugging lessons’ will continue. I’ll keep reminding her to ‘squeeze and release’ and that when her hugging partner starts to pull away, it’s time to let go, not hold tighter and lift her legs off the ground.

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